MOSCOW – From what we can figure out, Russian President Vladimir Putin stands accused of being “corrupt” by “Panama Papers” (somebody tell these people that print is on its way out) on account of his friendship with a cellist. Um, can we say class envy?

Way to pounce on Putin for having taste in music. Would it be better if he were friends with a guy who could play “Hicktown” on the banjo?

Also, apparently Putin is “bad” because “he’s not going to quit office” unlike maybe some other people who are going to “quit office” over this worthless “information dump” that somehow manages to be more boring than a stupid Russell Crowe prestige project like “The Insider” (ugh, why did that movie have 7 Oscar nominations and “Be Cool” had none).

Does Putin look like a quitter to you? The man and his government singlehandedly made their own currency more light and dynamic and are not done making it lighter more dynamic still.

But now he’s supposed to drop everything, get off his horse, put his shirt back on and leave office all because he donated money to the struggling Panama economy. Right.

If there is one thing we will give the #PanamaHaters clowns is that their expectation that the Russian state will care one bit about an expose more pathetic than a guy exposing himself at a McDonalds playplace is that it inadvertently reveals them to be quite the amateur comedians.

Also, it’s kind of nice to see Petro Poroshenko, president of THE Ukraine, generously donating money to Panama too.

Maybe he can bond with Putin over a shared philanthropy project and give up on his imaginary country so there’ll be peace in our time.