MOSCOW – Upon results of the British referendum on leaving the EU, Russian President Vladimir Putin has sent an official letter congratulating Britain “for getting up off its knees and crawling into a dark pit of paranoid despair”. The Central Bank of Russia has also issued a press release thanking British voters for tanking the sterling. 

“It’s not that we WANT the end of the United Kingdom, a weakened EU, the rise of a reactionary far right sponsored by us, possible instability in Northern Ireland, wavering on sanctions, distraction as we may or may not roll over Ukraine, and a devalued sterling that makes it cheaper for the sons of our oligarchs to snort coke off of models in Soho,” Putin was quoted as saying.

“But if that’s what the British voters chose, then we must respect democracy,” the Russian president added.

Russian economy experts were meanwhile celebrating the fact that the news of a falling pound will allow Russian state television to more safely ignore an already fallen ruble.

“It was getting lonely for the ruble, being one of the world’s worst-performing currencies, so thank God the pound has just sunk to a 30-year historic low,” a jubilant employee of the Central Bank told RIYF.

“It’s also quite heartening to see that Russia’s not the only country in the world where aging, paranoid, isolationist voters are happy to f*ck over the younger generation in their triumphant last act before they croak,” he added.