Attention lying, ignorant Westerners! Do you work in journalism? No? Maybe you have a blog? Maybe you leave comments on Facebook posts and news stories? Close enough! We want you to see what’s really happening in THE Ukraine?

This press tour is fully funded (minus airfare, hotels and flak jackets) by a totally objective European online publication, so you can be sure that this is not some kind of government propaganda exercise. Here’s what the programme includes:

-Pickup at the airport in Moscow.

-Five star accommodation in the center of Moscow.

-A tour of the Kremlin, Red Square, Cathedral of Christ the Savior, and Moscow City. You’ll be chaperoned at all times by our guides.

-A trip to Moscow State University to hear totally objective political experts and analysts explain the situation in THE Ukraine and its history. Lectures will include topics such as the Ukrainian Nazi junta and how the U.S. organized Maidan by using bribes and drugged tea.

-Trip to Donetsk in the Donetsk People’s Republic, which is currently part of THE Ukraine, which doesn’t really exist, but which shouldn’t be under the Ukrainian authority. (Actual status of Donetsk and Lugansk People’s Republics may vary depending on Kremlin’s mood at the time.)

-Totally random encounters with ordinary, every day citizens of Donetsk who are totally not working with the Russian government in any capacity.

-Alcohol and “company” in the evenings, if that’s your thing.

Don’t be a Western MSM lackey! Find out the truth. Sign up for our Truthseeking press tour now, while spaces still remain!

To sign up, simply send your name, address, date of birth, credit card number, 3-digit CCV number, and pin number to russiainyourface419@yahoo.ng.