ALEPPO- Russia’s righteous bombing of Aleppo, hand in hand with the glorious sword of truth of the universally adored and handsome President Bashar al-Assad, shows that thousands of children have been recruited by terrorist groups to try and make Russian bombs look bad.
The children, stationed at the barracks that some Russophobic, gay Western hypocrites call “hospitals”, have been massing for months now.
Their intentions remain unknown, but in a Grozny-style masterstroke of preemption, Russian messiah Vladimir Putin has skilfully bombed them before they could do more harm.
The Orthodox Church’s Father Pafnuty Buldogov justified the Kremlin’s wrath:
“One will remember how The West has tried this before, sending legions of heavily armed children to the Middle East in 1212 in the so-called Children’s Crusade. They were dispatched before they could overturn the civilised world. Now we are doing the same to the Syrian child crusaders – with all of the efficiency modern weaponry allows.”
Responding to accusations that Russia had been using “bunker-busting bombs” on children’s underground shelters, Russian Defence Ministry Spokesperson Anton Mikhailov said:
“We were just putting the local morgues out of action. God knows what necromancy those filthy Syrian peasants are performing down there….oh and jihadists, there are probably jihadists somewhere around there too.”
Sociologist Varvara Bestyzhneva pointed out that there is not much to like about children either way:
“I don’t understand the hysteria about children anyway. Kids are loud, they smell, and they eat all of the good jelly beans. This Aleppo ‘tragedy’ isn’t all that tragic in this context.”
The West did responded to a request for comment by spinning sickening anti-Russian lies, so we will be no-platforming it here until it comes to its senses and/or implodes.