WORLD EXCLUSIVE: Trump to RIYF: “This interview is rigged”

Despite international supra-state finance colluding with the mainstream media and black people to steal the 2016 presidential election, Republican nominee Donald Trump remains confident that win or lose, America is “F***ed.” 

RIYF: It’s an honor to meet you Mr. Trump.

Trump: Yes, yes it is. By the way, what’s with that little creature in your office? He slobbered all over me. Who does he think I am, Miss Utah 1989?

RIYF: That’s Pumpkin, our dog and proud RIYF mascot.

Trump: He’s a loser, get rid of him.

RIYF: Done. Moving on. You have in the past expressed your admiration for Russian President Vladimir Putin.

Trump: I never complimented Putin, never complimented him, never…I simply said in terms of leadership, he’s getting an A, while our President didn’t even know he was born in America until I told him he was, after Hillary told him he wasn’t, ok?

Saying it’s a great honor to be complimented by a man so highly respected within his country and beyond due to the fact that you may or may not get polonium up your whatever if you disagree with him is not a compliment, ok? It’s just stating a fact.

If he says great things about me, I’m going to say great things about him. If he asks me to give up America’s nuclear arsenal in exchange for building  a mixed use skyscraper in the heart of Moscow with my name on it?  We’ll talk.

But none of that is going to impact on our relations. What’s important is that we work with Putin to find Clinton’s 33,000 missing emails.

RIYF: I think that can actually be arranged.

Trump: Great, great, wonderful. Good vibes. Glad I didn’t grant this interview to Russia Insider instead.

RIYF: Recently, WikiLeaks has released the hacked private emails of Clinton’s campaign chairman proving that she “openly colluded” with the Justice Department during its investigation of her private email server and that Chelsea is a demanding little bitch. What did you find most shocking in the leaks?

Trump: That Assange fellow, very nice man. People say I hate the Mexicans, but he’s from Ecuador and I love him to bits.

RIYF: He’s from Australia. But he’s hiding in the Ecuadorian embassy in London because Hillary Clinton wants to drone him.

Trump: Austria? Great people come from Austria. The best people. Great suspenders. Women in suspenders look good. When I see a woman in suspenders, I just..

RIYF: …He’s also been accused of raping women and was slut-shamed by OKCupid, which rated him “87% slut” in a rigged personality test.

Trump: You see, you see? WikiLeaks proves even the Clinton campaign knew Crooked Hilary mishandled classified info, but no one gets charged? So what do they do? Accuse Assange of attempting to annex the Sudetenland or whatever. RIGGED.

87% slut, 100% not in bed with the Russians.

RIYF: You recently tweeted:

“The election is absolutely being rigged by the dishonest and distorted media pushing Crooked Hillary – but also at many polling places – SAD.”

What can be done to ensure the election will be fair?

Trump: For starters, lock up Crooked Hillary. And if they don’t lock her up, we’ve got Second Amendment Solutions to deal with that.

In fact, the entire election, it should, you see, also be a Second Amendment solution. And it should be final. Going halfway is not strong leadership. And I’m a leader. We have too may amendments by the way, and don’t even know how to use the ones we have. Too many amendments.

Get rid of the 19th, the 15th, the 13th the 5th…the 6th. We don’t need ‘em. All of our problems can be solved with the second. In fact, not if, but when I become president, I’ll double the Second Amendment. You’ve never seen such an amendment like the Second Amendment will be when I double it.


RIYF: But if you double the Second Amendment, won’t it just be the Fourth Amendment?

Trump: We’ll get rid of the fourth too, and then the second will be the new fourth. But way better. Mark my words, it will be great.

RIYF: Recently nearly a dozen women have accused you of inappropriate sexual behavior. Are these women lying sluts, paid actresses, or both.

Trump: When I grab a pussy, I never grab anything less than an 10. I see the media, the failing New York Times, parading around a lot of fours, fives, and maybe, just maybe a six.  Also a couple of threes, definitely some threes. Believe me she’s a three. Joe Biden, he knows something about grabbing a three by the pussy.

RIYF: So you categorically deny you ever sexually assaulted any of these ugly women?

Trump: You can’t say no if I never asked in the first place.

RIYF: The latest debate is coming up on Wednesday. Do you expect the mainstream media to work against you as they have done in previous debates to ensure that Clinton wins?

Trump: Did you see how Crooked Hillary got the questions to the last debate? Can you imagine if I got the questions? I don’t even come with answers to the debate and she gets the questions from Donna Brazile. Brazil? Clearly in bed with the Mexicans.

But what’s with the questions? I mean, did you get the questions before this debate? I don’t think so.

Interim Chair of the Democratic National Committee, Donna Brazile (center)

RIYF: Mr Trump, this is an interview, not a debate, but yes, we did have the questions beforehand. We sent them to your press secretary.

Trump: You had the questions? I never saw the questions. This interview is rigged. You’ve never seen an interview rigged like this interview is being rigged.


Trump: Terrible, terrible people. Just the worst. I knew I should have given this interview to Russia Insider instead. And the coffee your dog Pringles served me? Horrific. I wouldn’t serve coffee like that to my housekeeper’s uncle. If I knew her uncle. Which I don’t. I wouldn’t be caught dead knowing her uncle.

RIYF: That was Intern Geoff with the coffee.

Trump: Same difference.

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