SYZRAN – A decorated WWII veteran has been discovered living in an unheated barracks on the outskirts of the city, and the local administration has identified U.S. President Barack Obama as the man responsible for the war hero’s plight.

Vera Samodurova, representative of Syzran City Hall, told Russia In Your Face!!! that Obama’s actions were “despicable.”

“Fine, so Obama is threatened by our country’s thriving economy, superior infrastructure, and major global influence – but is there really a need to pick on an elderly veteran?” Samodurova added. “These Americans are really out of control with their inferiority complex.”

Asked to clarify how it was that Obama arranged for the veteran – who has been identified as 96-year-old Fyodor Mikhailovich – to be kidnapped to the barracks, Samodurova declined further comment.

“It’s a national security matter,” Samodurova concluded. “You’ll need to send a faxed request to the FSB in order to be briefed on the details. Make sure the request has a lot of seals on it. And unintelligible signatures. That’s really the only way they’ll bother to look at it.”