Leading Crimean group goes ‘back to the future’ and abandons effete western conveniences- like electricity

Recent electricity blackouts on the Crimea peninsula are no accident. According to members of a visionary group of ethnic Russians there, it was all part of a plan to go back in time.

“We didn’t want your unholy Ukrainian electricity anyway,” says Yaroslav Bezpopov, leader of the new Russian movement ‘My stick in your mud’. He is a tall and gnarled figure with a huge beard. Think of one of those ent tree creatures out of those Lord of the Rings films.

Bezpopov says that he and his fellow Russian aesthetics are the unknown saboteurs who blew up electricity pylons in Ukraine leading to Crimea.

“We want to go back to an original, purer, more aesthetic Crimea from when it was only just conquered from the Tatar yoke by Catherine the Great, or even before” said Bezpopov.

RIYF went along to My stick in your mud’s ‘authentic village’. Untamed horses charged the single street or lay dying in the six foot potholes where they had fallen. Human faeces mingled with that of dogs, cats and cattle, forming a knee deep slurry that burned the nostrils. The residents, clad in flax rags, fought a constant and desperate battle to keep their four wood and thatch houses from falling down, finding the wooden hammers, wooden nails and slurry cement a significant challenge.

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After night fall, as the content, exhausted, lice infested serfs slept fifty to a room, Bezpopov (who had dutifully been overseeing the others with his whip and bottle of brandy) kicked everyone awake so they could all hear him tell RIYF how this life was what they wanted.

“Modern conveniences from the west have made people weak,” he said. “We went through wars against the Mongol, the Tatar, the Pole, the Swede, the Lithuanian, the Briton, the Czech, the French, the German, the American, the CIA operative, the Jew, the Illuminatus, the Google programmer, the Gay and Sir Ian McKellan. How do you think we won all of those wars? By being strong….and much more more that….by being simple.”

‘My stick in your mud’ claim they are just one part of a movement across all the territories once conquered by some Tsar or other that are returning to a pre-industrial way of life.

After Yaroslav has stalked away we get a word with one of his so-called ‘honest serf girls’, Maria. She says she used to be a hairdresser in Yalta, but that she was snatched from her bed one night and ‘decided’ to become part of the group.

“The cholera and typhus are pretty bad,” she told RIYF, “Food is quite scarce too. I’d say when we started three weeks ago we had twice as many people.”

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