Not content with trying to force Russians to become dollar debt slaves, Western journalists have been turning against Russia’s flora as well.

Russians love their dill. They eat it on at least 100% of food types. That fact established the following equation stands evident-

Dill-o-phobia = Russ-o-phobia.

Swathes of articles by CIA shills have been trying to demonise the hallowed Russian super-food. In doing so, they have only provoked the usually peaceful, nut, berry and dill chewing Russian bear to frothy mouthed fury.

These measures have been proposed by government advisors so frightened at the western anti-dill conspiracy they have refused to be named-

1. Dill will be proclaimed a holy plant– As RIYF has already reported, Putin has been found to actually be Jesus. In this ‘holy spirit’ (who said Orthodox priests couldn’t have a joke) the Patriarchy of the Russian Orthodox Church has declared the matter, “no laughing matter.” From now on anyone insulting dill will be ‘neutralised’ under the law against offending religious believers.

2. Dill will become Russia’s national plant– In solidarity with our brotherly colony THE Ukraine which has had problems with armies of CIA trained fascists lately, Russia will elevate the status of dill to that of a national symbol. Ukrainians, pretend nation that they are, love their dill too. From now on both beaks of Russia’s regal double headed eagle will be merrily chomping on verdant fronds of malachite green and Russia will be represented at all international fora by what is playfully known internationally as a “dillweed.”

3. Russia’s new drive for agricultural production will make it the world’s sole dill supplier within five years– Dill is currently grown in many countries around the world. However Russian scientists in Novosibirsk have been working on a ‘super-strain’ of the rabidly popular herb that will not only make it grow ten times larger but will also allow it to flourish in tundra and steppe as well as forest. That means that the hugely affluent world dill market (latest estimates by the Independent Russian Institute of Dilltopia put it at around $10 trillion per year) will soon become just one hedgerow in the booming economy of the world’s most successful invasive species, Russia.

So the Western shills who love to hate our dill so much may soon be chewing their CIA cud on the other side of their faces. Yes that’s right. Though they don’t yet know it they will soon be joining – The Dill Side.