Hi economics virgins! Let me, Mark Cesar, take that virginity away from you. America thinks it rules the world of money. But not for long. BUY GOLD! I have to pee. What is that seagull doing? Corporate elite! Petro-ruble! Dollar doom!

You see kids, America has got itself and the world hooked on debt. Everyone in the world that is, except Russia.

Russia is imminently poised to provide the world’s reserve currency, the petro-ruble.

Russia’s amazing marshalling of its limitless reserves, inexhaustible labour force and unlimited economic potential means that those screeching sounds you all hear coming from Wall Street are the swan songs of the fat cats.

Here’s why-

-Sub-prime mortgage- Unlike Russian mortgages, which are totally legitimate, safe and are the best investment since Napoleon started investing in longbows, U.S. mortgages are all euphemistically called “sub-prime”. Believe me, I read this in the “America is f****d” blog (web address- www.russiawins.ru) which is written by true experts. “Sub-prime” really means s**t. Every loan, mortgage or piece of prime rib beef sold out of America is a CON designed to fleece you out of your hard won money.

-Communism- This is what U.S. President Barack Obama lives and breathes for and wants to force down your throat. With his Federal Reserve (aka state central planning apparatus) printing billions of fresh dollars every hour and repeated devaluations of every world currency by his insidious cabal at a place called Fort Knox Obama wants to destroy money itself and have us all working in forced labour camps in Colorado.

-Fascism- This is what U.S. President Barack Obama lives and breathes for and wants to force down your throat. With his Federal Reserve printing billions of fresh dollars every hour and repeated devaluations of every world currency by his insidious cabal at a place called Fort Knox Obama wants to make an economy of giant state corporations and have us all working in forced labour camps in Colorado.

-Utopia- Russia’s wise and benevolent government has shepherded its people through countless economic storms unscathed. For the last 600 years it’s fiscal and monetary record has been impeccable. It can and should be allowed to run the world economy.

Conclusion

If you’re not buying rubles you’re bringing us all closer to armageddon. Or gold. You can always buy shiny, luxurious gold.

Mark Cesar is a globally ignominious Economist and former children’s birthday party clown, though he prefers the term “event entertainer”. He says he is consulted by homo sapiens the world over.