Quoting the Constitution in ‘peaceful protest’ causes bear rape – Western analyst

MOSCOW – The Western “media” this week has gone into hysterical overdrive, much like a PMSing bitch of an ex-wife, when Russian activist Ildar Dadin was jailed for three years for repeatedly holding placards with quotes from the Russian Constitution in the street. But is the outrage in Dadin’s case JUSTIFIED?

RIYF reached out to noted political analyst and famed subreddit author Karl Binbottom for comment on Dadin’s case.

“Karl is doing the laundry, call back in half an hour,” an irritated female voice said on the other end of the line. “He has to do laundry at least once a week, that’s our rule for letting him move back in with us.”

Undaunted, our correspondent continued to call Binbottom, and eventually got through.

“Quoting the Constitution SEEMS harmless,” Binbottom told RIYF. “But honestly, imagine this scenario: You’re walking home after a hard day’s work, eager to pop open a beer and turn on the television, when suddenly, some [expletive] waving a placard about the Constitution accosts you.”

“What’s going to happen next? You’re going to get distracted,” Binbottom continued. “But societal cohesion depends on people being able to reach their beer and television on time. Honestly, what do people want instead? A repeat of the 1916 Revolution or whatever that year was? ANARCHY? People getting raped by coke-addled bears in the street? Look, I read the History subreddit, I know my [expletive]. Russia is STABLE now and it can’t afford CHAOS, so get those goddamn Constitution-quoting crypto-anarchists OFF the street before everything goes Bioshock on you.”

Suddenly, a familiar, irritated female voice cut in on the line. “Karl!” the voice said. “You are getting your Playstation rights revoked again if you don’t take out the trash.”

We couldn’t have summed it up better ourselves.

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