Patriotic TV host plans to produce ‘Cock T’est Belle’ Wine

Dmitry Kiselyov, Russian truth-telling impresario and director of the Rossiya Segodnya international news agency, hopes to suck the cream(наш!) out of Crimea with a new sparkling wine called Cock T’est Belle.

Cock T’est Belle, which literally translates as “Cock Tastes Great”, is a wordplay on Koktebel, the mythical Crimean town where the first banya was created, RBC news agency reported Monday.

Kiselyov hopes to start pouring out copious amounts of Cock from a winery he co-owns with the Louis XIV of Russian pop stars, Philip Bedrosovich Kirkorov.

READ MORE: Truthguide: Philip Kirkorov

“It’s not a business yet. We haven’t sold a single bottle — we were drinking everything ourselves, just a couple of normal guys, hanging out in the banya, sweat glistening like dizzling all over our taut, manly bodies,” Kiselyov told RBC, with what appeared to be glitter around his mouth.

When asked what had inspired the Cock’s unique taste, Kiselyov said he was hoping to emulate the feeling of having Putin wring out his judo gi in your mouth while a vomiting Northern fleet sailor gave you a samogon shower baby-bird style.

“It’s about imbibing a feeling of love for the fatherland,” Kiselyov said.

“Is it a coincidence that the best way to feel a bit of fraternal joy is to tip back some Cock?” Kiselyov asked. “I don’t think so,” Kiselyov answered.

Screen Shot 2015-12-09 at 10.45.52 AM

The winery’s production capacity is currently 4,000 bottles a year, though they need a license before they can start rolling out the Cock in higher quantities. Once the license is obtained the winery plans to expand its capacity to 10,000 bottles a year, Kirkorov said.

“Ten thousand units? Child’s play,” Kiselyov said. “I’ve taken way more than that,” he added.

One bottle of the Cock will set you back 1,000 rubles (37 cents).

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s