MOSCOW – The not-at-all struggling Russian auto industry has received a major boost. All members of the Russian parliament, both the State Duma and the Federation Council, will give up on foreign cars and now ride the Russian-made Lada Kalina to work (and to everywhere else).
RIYF has learned that not everyone is pleased by the brave, selfless gesture.
“The roads in Moscow are okay, but when they take these things out to the Moscow region, they could be risking their lives,” said concerned citizen Liza Kholopova. “There are some ‘roads’ that are really just a bunch of dirt with some pieces of gravel stuck in it – Obama managed to really mess them up when local politicians’ backs were turned. So do we really want our parliamentarians to get trapped out there in the wilderness and consequently starve to death?”
Other local residents told RIYF that this stouthearted act of pure martyrdom has unexpected health pay-offs.
“It’s a known fact that foreign car factories employ gays and proud Satan-worshippers,” said Muscovite Igor Psikhov. “Also, imagine all of the great, totally sane, and not-at-all populist laws that would not end up getting passed because a bunch of our parliamentarians get murdered by AIDS goop smeared on the gearshift and upholstery.”