Operation Pussy Riot: CIA attempts to install cat as Siberian city mayor

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BARNAUL —Western media reports that residents of the Russian city of Barnaul had overwhelmingly supported a Siamese cat for mayor were in fact part of a broader CIA operation to discredit Russia’s vibrant sovereign democracy, RIYF has learned.

According to secret documents handed over to RIYF in the bathroom of Hudson Bar this past weekend, “Operation Pussy Riot” was part of a broader strategy to install pliant agents across Siberia, who would later seek to break up Russia via calls for federalization.

Betraying its Illuminati intentions, a report in the Associated Presstitutes entitled “Mew World Order” demonstrated a collusion between the MSM and US intelligence to bring infamy upon Russia’s electoral process via an agent codenamed Barsik. Barsik, was of course a siamese cat, denoting its “two-folded” or bisexual nature.

According to an online poll administered and manipulated by the US intelligence agency, Barsik got over 90 percent of the vote, nearly assuring victory for the feline agent in the Siberian city of 650,000.

Thanks to RIYF, local authorities caught wind of the pussy putsch, which was set to take place on election day after a Gosdep-organized protest on Oktyabrya Square turned violent.

Security forces quickly descended on Barsik’s safe house in the outskirts of Barnaul on Monday, where both the fifth columnist feline and his Russian-born octogenarian handler were taken into custody.

Barsik was whisked to a frozen pit used earlier this year to dispose of European food products, where he was was promptly run over with a bulldozer.

His owner, identified as 86-year-old  pensioner Alena Ivanova, currently faces charges of treason. If found guilty, she may be forced to live out the rest of her days in Barnaul.

When confronted in an Alliye Parusa grocery store in central Moscow regarding the crushing of its agent in Siberia, US Embassy spokesperson Will Stevens was visibly shaken, telling RIYF “Dear Jesus, why?”

The RIYF correspondent promptly smacked Steven’s grocery basket out of his hand before shouting “Glory to Russia”.

The correspondent was subsequently tackled by a store security guard who had clearly been bought off by the US State Department.

Moscow police are currently looking into the incident.

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