Russian Justice Ministry to Appeal ECHR Ruling, says Navalny doesn’t qualify as human

The Russian Justice Ministry says it will appeal a European Court of Human Rights (ECHR) in favor of opposition traitorist Alexei Navalny, saying the case falls outside of its jurisdiction, seeing as how Navalny doesn’t qualify as a human being.

“Navalny’s embezzlement case falls outside of the purview of the ECHR. Its called the European Court of Human Rights. H-U-M-A-N. Not a filthy untermensch engineered in Washington to bring Russia to her knees,” Minister of Justice Alexander Konovalov said in a statement.

“And what about the rights of your women who are being gang-raped on the streets of Cologne? Sort yourselves out before you tell us how to deal with our own vermin,” he added.

The ECHR ruled that Russia must pay Navalny and co-conspirator Pyotr Ofitserov €8,000 each as compensation for moral damages. They are also obliged to receive €48,000  and €23,000 respectively as reimbursement for their legal costs.

“Moral damages? Must I school you on meta-ethics? Your so-called moral prevarications do not in fact contain anything verging on a proposition which could be ascertained as true or false. Your entire court, much like Europe itself, is a grand exercise in sodomy and exultation of non-cognitive meaning,” Konovalov said.

“Bally Jerry pranged his kite right in the how’s-your-father,” he added.

Navalny and Ofitserov were found guilty in 2013 of strong-arming Sergei Bogdanov, the director of state-controlled KirovLes, into selling forestry goods to a middle man at sub-market rates, draining the Kirov region of $500,000 dollars.

The two (un) men were sentenced to five and four years in prison respectively, though they were later placed under house arrest following a complaint from  the Russian Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (RSPCA).

Just where Navalny stashed his ill-gotten loot remains a state secret.

“$500,000 is no small sum,” Investigative Committee head Alexander Bastrykin told RIYF. “We could have paved 2.5 meters worth of the 25 mile road from Sochi coast to Krasnaya Polyana for that kinda dough.”

“Wait, no, don’t quote me on that. You think I’m joking Б**? Perhaps someone and their tape recorder would like to take a walk in the woods,” Bastrykin added.

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