FROM THE FOUNDER: Hello fellow truth seekers! I am your handsome, talented, hard-working, and humble founder, Chad Michael Noble III. Like many of my fellow investigative journalists here at Russia in Your Face!!!, I am a refugee from the degenerate, corporate fascist state that is Amerikkka.

I founded Russia in Your Face!!! as a way to forcefully give you the truth and to keep the media honest. When the Western media spins their lies, we hit back with the truth from sources like RT, Sputnik, the Russian state owned media, and other Russian sources. I believe that we all have a responsibility to keep the media honest.

Western media often exaggerates minor problems in Russia, just like a lying bitch of an ex-wife back in the States who has been brainwashed to believe that parental discipline is child abuse. Child abuse? Teaching my son to be a man is abuse now? Can you believe these liberal sons-of…Well anyways, you get the point. It’s like a lying office skank (let’s call her Deborah) who’s had more pipe laid in her than the Far East and then tells HR you’re “harassing her” through the most banal acts of courtship. The Western media spreads its legs for American corporate oligarchs, but then complains just because Russia gives it a friendly slap on the backside. Maddening, I know.

I could go on about the media and myself for pages, and indeed I’m writing my autobiography at the moment. But now I’d like you to get acquainted with our talented team of writers and political experts, in their own words.

Dick Hoover: Writer, political analyst

Hi there! My name’s Dick Hoover, RIYF’s resident political expert and gentleman of leisure extraordinaire. When I first arrived in good ol’ Moskva back in 2002, I started writing for a local expat paper. I’d hit the pavement and investigate male-friendly enterprises, where, unlike the West, you can touch the merchandise rather than just stare at it with your hands down to the side like some grimy peasant.

Anyway, I believe in real, old-fashioned journalism, not the lazy, biased crap you see these Western mainstream media correspondents doing. I’m so passionate about old-school journalism that I actually have a fedora with a PRESS card on it. I track down stories by going on Infowars, Prison Planet, and Youtube; you know, the few places not bought off by the oligarchs, where like-minded journalists risk death and internment in FEMA camps just to bring you the TRUTH.

But even being a truth crusader is not all business. In my free time, I like hitting up expat joints with my good buddy Mark Prat. A lot has been learned on those hazy, raucous nights pounding back Kvas, so much in fact, that Mark and I are even working on a book about how to date Russian women online. Keep your eyes peeled!

Mike Przezwalski: Contributor, geopolitical expert

Hello, I’m Mike Przezwalski, but for the record I converted to Russian Orthodoxy and my baptismal name is Mikhail Pavlovich Romanov. I too used to live in the degenerate, cultural wasteland that is America, where I was rejected because that decadent society could not appreciate my passion for philosophy, traditional values, and eugenics. That and I had the courage to make a stand against gay pride parades. I cataloged literally thousands of photos of gay parades across America and Europe and take my honest, totally heterosexual word for it, they should not be seen by children’s eyes.

Cast out by the degenerates of Sodom and Gomorrah, I came to Russia, my ancestral homeland (because see my great-grandfather was from somewhere in Poland and a large part of Poland was once part of the Russian empire, ergo I’m part Russian). Here I am truly appreciated. Among the ranks of the Eurasian Youth Movement, I lecture the future leaders of Russia on the dangers that homosexuality and anal sex holds for the nation’s future. I teach young Russians how to be true Russians and reject the lies and propaganda of the degenerate, decaying West.

I’m also a 56 level human paladin in World of Warcraft.

Angela Baker: Contributor

Hey y’all! Hardcore leftist, feminist, anti-capitalist here! I love RIYF because they’re so passionate about the struggle against corporate globalization that they publish my articles about Russia even though I’m still stuck in the Corporate Fascist States of America.

I blog about things like corporate domination, big pharma, and GMOs. Currently I’m saving money for my first trip to Russia. I really wish I could go there on Spring Break. They have Spring Break in Russia, right?

 

Paddy McDougal: Contributor

Hello there. I’m from Ireland and a while back I got fed up with the Western mainstream media’s bias against Russia. CNN, Fox News, Al Jazeera, BBC, Channel 4, Bloomberg, The Guardian, Mashable, VICE, etc.- none of them give any time for the Russian POV whatsoever.

The problem with the Western mainstream media is that they hire these freelance chancers who don’t really know Russia like I do. Just because a journalist has lived in Russia for many years, speaks fluent Russian, and has tons of contacts doesn’t mean he or she really understands this country. If you understand Russia, you know the best source of info you can possibly have comes from the Russian government and its media outlets.

Unlike those losers, I employ real investigative journalism techniques, such as utilizing open source info such as Wikipedia and Google.

Sean Fitzgerald: Editor in Chief

AS CHIEF EDITOR, IT’S MY RESPONSIBILITY TO MAINTAIN THE INTEGRITY AND QUALITY OF OUR PUBLICATION, AS WELL AS DEFEND IT FROM THE INFORMATION WAR WAGED BY THE WEST.

WHEN THESE LAZY FUCKS AREN’T DOING THEIR GODDAMNED JOB TO THE BEST OF THEIR ABILITY, I LAY DOWN THE LAW BECAUSE I RUN THIS GODFORSAKEN OFFICE AND THIS IS NOT A DEMOCRACY OR EVEN SOVEREIGN DEMOCRACY. THIS IS MOTHERFUCKING PYONGYANG, YOU MAGGOTS, AND YOU CAN CALL ME KIM JONG SEAN!

I’M SORRY, NEARLY LOST ME TEMPER THERE. YOU WOULD TOO IF YOU WORKED IN AN OFFICE WITH THESE FUCKING SLOTH-SLUG HYBRID GENETIC EXPERIMENTS THEY CALL JOURNALISTS. EXCUSE ME WHILE I GET ME CATTLE PROD.