MOSCOW – Backstabistani 8th columnists have infested cities across Russia using the abandoned infrastructure of neutralised Western agents.

Deserted mine shafts, basements and tunnels across the country have become hives of murderous assassins, saboteurs and baklava sellers gathering their forces for a genocidal assault on Russian civilisation.

The epic warren of dens and tunnels were built by NATO from the 10th century onwards. It is a basic mistake to assume that NATO is a twentieth century creation. NATO is just the latest incarnation of an anti-Russian conspiracy dating back millennia.

They have worked tirelessly to try and subjugate Russia using their system of ‘columns’. RIYF explains-

5th column- The 5th column was a terrifyingly powerful web of front organisations publicly called Non Governmental Organisations. Their real title of Non Governance Orchestrators is kept hushed, but more accurately describes their real purpose. Thankfully their attempts at cataclysmic anarchy in Russia were foiled by good citizens refusing their offers of free legal aid, medical care or forest re-planting and by righteous Orthodox force used by the Church and Security Services of Russia. They have at the current time been mostly ‘neutralised’. However this does rules out some master deceit or plot by the world anti-Russian conspiracy to sneak these harbingers of doom back by other means.

6th column- These traitorous parasites are members of Russia’s own elite who don’t demonstrate sufficient enthusiasm for Russian policy, for example in the non-existent fascist menace state of THE Ukraine. Originally spotted and articulated into being by the Kremlin sage and Eurasianist genius Alexander Dugin, these sixth columnists can be devilishly hard to identify. But by spying on one’s neighbours diligently enough, an absence of Russian state TV channels blaring patriotically into their homes is a telltale sign that they should be denounced immediately to the FSB.

7th column- These are Russia insiders who may ultimately turn on our leader Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin and stab him in the back, Caesar like. And as with Caesar’s murder it’s thought Putin’s would likely happen in one of the great public forums that are the Russian houses of parliament. That is why Putin wisely tries to stay away from these institutions and minimise their roles. These Janus like vipers are likely able to conceal their true wickedness until the last moment, and some may even be close to our leader. That is why there are calls for new purges of the political class to root out those Western sleeper agents who have risen to the top of the Kremlin hierarchy.

8th column- The new and deadly threat. This is made up of Backstabistani infiltrators who have moved into the ruined nests of turfed out 5th columnists that were thought abandoned. It’s not known if they have risen far in the ranks of the Russian elite, and this is thought unlikely because it is difficult to conceal a fez and a sabre. However their sheer numbers may mean a fight to the death if they are not rooted out before they surge up from the underworld.

Experts estimate that the Backstabistani hordes lurking across Russia currently number around 20 million. If YOU see a Backstabistani, or stumble across one of their lairs, DO NOT APPROACH. Call The Russian Orthodox Church’s evil eradication hotline on 666 and a tactical team of priests and monks will be flown in within minutes and flush them out with super-strong incense.