MOSCOW- As RIYF has previously reported not only is Russia in an existential battle, pitting the loyal masses against hordes of anarchist haulage companies, there are also millions of suspected Turkish infiltrators hiding across Russia, waiting for the moment to strike.

RIYF’s investigative team put two and two together. Here are FIVE irrefutable reasons why it’s overwhelmingly likely Russia’s nihilist truckers are most likely part of a Turkish infiltration possibly reaching under the Kremlin itself-

1. They are opposed to a Russian government policy. As our visionary conservative contributor Jerry B. Huggins has honestly pointed out, that’s a sure sign they are on the wrong side.

2. The Turks never invented the wheel. Why else would these backward mongrels seek to come to Russia to drive? A sleek and finely tuned Kamaz truck is one of the greatest things they’ve ever seen.

3. The truckers are media shy. Not a single honest Russian state media interview has been conducted with one of them or their shadowy patrons. However the ‘Platon’ tribute system, part owned by the patriotic and magnanimous Rotenberg family, has been very open to allowing Russian state media to make its case. Why else would you hide from the Kremlin’s fair cameras unless you were trying to conceal a Fez and sabre?

4. They are threatening to bring Moscow traffic to a standstill. Anyone who knows Moscow traffic knows that threatening to make it worse is basically an attempt at genocide. Many people spend weeks of their lives each day travelling two and from work in the Russian capital, thanks to Obama’s dastardly schemes. A go slow on Russia’s main ring road would almost certainly see millions starve to death rather than ditch their stereos and air conditioning.

5. Who delivers food to the Kremlin? For years visiting Turkish dignitaries have been greeted with Turkish delight, baklava and an assortment of Middle Eastern wonders. If a nefarious Turkish van driver could talk his way in with a load of figs laced with say, Polonium, the consequences could be catastrophic.

We think you’ll agree that the chances that Russia’s roads have essentially become a Turkish version of Mad Max are increasing by the heavy haulage kilometre minute.