MOSCOW- Orange Revolution, Rose Revolution, Beige Revolution, Khaki Revolution, The Matrix: Revolutions, The Arab Spring, Euromaidan. These are just a few of the many color revolutions the US government has been behind since the dawn of the 21st century. Now new evidence suggests that the revolution Washington has been planning in Russia is a deep amber color with a smooth, if not slightly hoppy taste.
This time the smoking gun proof comes straight from the horse’s mouth, in this case, the US government propaganda network known as Voice of America. Even the headline of the story reads: “US behind revolution in Russia…”
“The United States is behind it all,” says the narrator, obviously too drunk off the blood of Donbass children to manage any kind of subtlety.
One is unlikely to find a more candid statement than that, but what exactly does this revolution entail? RIYF analyzed the video with the help of Moscow State University professor of political science and geopolitics Ivan Durgin.
“It’s obvious what they’re doing. It’s the same thing they did in the Ukraine with their Euromaidan,” Durgin said. “In Maidan they gave the people drugs mixed in with tea, which made the people protest for nearly three months until they overthrew the government. Also they were Nazis. So clearly the new plan is to use beer to the same effect here in Russia.”
Having been briefed by Durgin, RIYF’s investigative team went out in search of evidence that the US State Department is actively using beer as a weapon of revolution in Russia. Unsurprisingly, the results of Washington’s clandestine intoxication program were not hard to find.
“I heard screaming in a courtyard and I immediately began to investigate,” said Dick Hoover, member of the investigative team and staff writer for RIYF. “I saw a man and woman shouting obscenities and hitting each other. They were surrounded by empty beer bottles which were no doubt contaminated.”
Hoover and other members of the team described seeing similar scenes outside metro and train stations, in parks and on children’s playgrounds inside courtyards throughout Moscow’s residential areas.
“In every case, the victims had been drinking contaminated beer,” Hoover explained. “It’s clear that once they poison enough of these people, they’ll be turned loose in Red Square to start Alcomaidan, or something like that. Also they will be Nazis. Definitely Nazis.”
So far, Russian authorities have not acted to stop the production and sale of beer, a fact that Durgin finds very suspicious.
“That the US could be openly using beer as a tool for regime change in Russia with impunity suggests that Putin is probably being kept in the dark by the eighth column,” Durgin explained. “As long as the danger of a beer revolution exists in Russia, I recommend drinking only harder spirits such as vodka, cognac, or toilet cleaner.”
In order to be prepared to defend Russia’s sovereignty from US-backed revolution, Durgin has put out appeals for a new anti-Alcomaidan movement youth group called “Sobermaidan.” Since opening the group to the public, Durgin has yet to find any recruits, but this hasn’t discouraged him.
“Russia has no shortage of patriotic youth. I’m sure they will come and sign up. It’s just that it was a bad idea to start our recruitment drive on a Sunday morning.”