Ruble to become lighter,more dynamic

MOSCOW- Last year Western mainstream media sources claimed that the ruble had “fallen,” in an attempt to portray the Russian currency as less valuable compared to the hegemonic dollar and the homoerotic euro. True patriots answered these jeers by pointing out that the ruble had not fallen, but in fact was just sitting down to lace up its combat boots.

Now once again the Western media hacks are gloating over another “fall” of the ruble, as the Russian currency reaches roughly 70 to the dollar. According to non-mainstream experts, however, the change in value isn’t a fall at all, but rather a transformation to a lighter, more dynamic, less bulky unit of currency.

“The truth is you don’t want a currency with too much value, it’s inefficient,” said RIYF financial expert Mark Cesar. “Fiat currency is all worthless anyway compared to gold, so attributing a lot of fictitious value to it only makes it unwieldy.”

According to Cesar, the ruble is now far lighter and thus able to outrun other units of currency in the market.

“This is the ideal state for the currency at the moment, until one of those gas deals works out for Russia and the ruble becomes the world’s reserve currency,” Cesar explained. “Then you’ll see it shoot up overnight. I’d give that scenario another six months.”

Meanwhile, even some patriots have shown dismay at the ruble’s seemingly rapid fall in value, but so far they are in agreement about the real culprit.

“Putin has said numerous times that the so-called fall of the ruble isn’t a big deal and might actually be helpful, just like the sanctions,” said Fyodor Yegorov, who runs a website for a patriotic organization that supports the Kremlin. “Still, if it is actually bad, we will finally have conclusive proof that the Russian Central Bank was working on the orders of the US State Department, without Putin’s knowledge, of course. This is why we have to keep supporting him whatever the case may be.”


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