GORNO-ALTAYSK – Authorities in the Siberian region of Altai have released millions of bees made of metal into the wild. The Russian-made bees, identical to their less fortunate nature-made cousins, are able to make honey and sting Backstabistanis and western tourists/spies to death.
Living honey bee populations have been mysterious falling across the world, with theories pointing to parasites, new forms of insecticides, the high pitched wail of Western shills and the overuse of glitter by Western gay indoctrination ministries.
So called Colony Collapse Disorder (CCD) is also thought by Russian experts to be an attempt at creating an anti-Russian biological weapon by the Illuminati-Gayropean-Degenerate-States-of-Sodom apiary working group. Their plan goes that by destroying honey supplies, bear supplies would also dry up shortly thereafter and so the Russian people would wither and die, RIYF has discovered.
Vladimir Putin, sensing this through special supreme leader tendrils, ordered something to be done to counter this existential threat.
“We were ordered to create a limitless supply of metal bees that actually fly, create honey and sting. Money and lives were no object, we were told. We were given three weeks, 2000 mint condition US dollars and the student population of the International Friendship University in Moscow to experiment on. The university has since closed due to a lack of students but it’s something to do with admissions, nothing to do with us,” said Professor Semyon Sumashedski of the ‘Doombee’ project.
But you would be wrong to think Russia’s bees are merely mechanical gadgets. Using the latest Russian nanotechnologies they are virtually indistinguishable from normal bees. Professor Sumashedski elaborates.
“The Ministry of Defence became involved in the project early on and made some novel changes. They demanded we add anti-aircraft and anti-tank missile systems to the bees. They also wanted the honey to be poisonous. That certainly increased the attrition rate among the students but we did it,” he beamed.
So how do these new bees look? Can they be told apart from their natural cousins? We asked local woman Tatiana Vshoke.
“Well you can hear them coming before you see them. These giant rubber bands that power them come whapping in over the horizon. Then they swoop over, as big as houses, and everyone runs for their lives. Terrifying things they are. They they start firing off all these bombs and dropping this acid kind of stuff from behind them. Then they crash when the rubber band runs out and all the ground shakes with the explosion. Half of Altai is a blackened wasteland already and they’ve only been out a week,” wept Tatiana.
So it seems the bees, using the latest in Russian nanotechnology, are blending in perfectly to their habitat. No doubt the West could never pull off something so majestic and intricate!