This is a personal message from RIYF founder Chad Michael Noble III. First I wanted to thank all those who came to our corporate Christmas party on the 25th. That is to say everyone who was polite and reciprocated my kind, gentlemanly chivalry instead of turning up their nose at the offer of free beverages.

Anyway, other than a few minor incidents I believe everyone had a great time and we look forward to the New Year with great enthusiasm.

That aside, our editor, Sean Fitzgerald, hasn’t been seen since the party last Friday and some of us our beginning to get a bit worried.

After the first 24 hours we attempted to make an inquiry to the authorities, but they demanded a rather large “fee” for their services, which will require us to start a separate crowdfunding project.

If you have any information as to Mr. Fitzgerald’s whereabouts, please send it along with any credit card numbers, expiration dates, and 3-digit CVV codes to russiainyourface419@yahoo.ng.

Sean, if you can read this, come back, buddy. Everything’s going to be fine. Nobody’s angry. You were drunk and it was dark. I’m sure you thought you were with a woman. Just come back as soon as possible.