The First Annual RIYFies!

The staff at Russia in Your Face!!! welcomes the readers to the first annual RIYFies! The RIYFy is an award for the most outstanding achievements of the year. Now follow along with us as we announce the winners for 2015! 

Best world leader of 2015

Winner: Vladimir Putin

This really shouldn’t come as a surprise. Putin followed up his chain of non-stop successes from 2014 with yet another round of geopolitical victories in both “the Ukraine” and now the Middle East. Better luck next year, Obama!

Best president of 2015

Winner: Vladimir Putin 

Putin was not only the world’s best leader this year, but also the world’s best president, for those who like to split hairs about heads of state.

Best orator of 2015

Winner: Vladimir Putin

It’s hard to choose just one Putin speech this year that made the most waves, but the staff at RIYF decided that the president’s year end press conference was his best ever.

What is it about Putin’s speaking style that woos audiences and leaves them clamoring for more? Is it his gentle, long hesitations that establish a slow rhythm for everyone to follow? Or is it his gentle, occasional throat-clearing and coughing that shows he too is a human with vulnerabilities? We may never know for sure. That’s how fascinating and profound this man is.

Best dressed of 2015

Winner: Vladimir Putin

Shunning big and tall sizes as Western cheeseburger-fueled decadence, Putin wows crowds at any event with his sartorial savvy and fashion finesse, whether the style is formal or casual!

Oh and ladies – he’s single!

Best media personality of 2015

Winner: Vladimir Putin

Vladimir Putin stole the show this year with his always-entertaining media exploits which never fail to leave viewers on the edge of their seats!

Best artisanal soap maker of 2015

Winner: Vladimir Putin

Bet you didn’t know the Russian president makes his own soap, did you? Well, he does. Putin combines the finest fragrant ingredients with the purest walrus fat for a sensual and thorough deep-cleansing feel whether in the bath or shower.

Best Actor of 2015

Winner: Vladimir Putin

Better luck with the Oscar, Leo, because this year best actor goes to none other than Russian president Vladimir Putin, whose performance when answering a question about Russian involvement in the non-existent country of “the Ukraine” was masterful. The Nazi “Ukropian” “journalist” who prompted Putin’s improv performance was so moved by the president’s seamless method acting that he just stood there dumbfounded, emotionally caught up in the moment and quite possibly moved to tears.

Best origami specialist of 2015

Winner: Vladimir Putin

Again another skill you didn’t know Putin had, probably because you keep listening to the Western MSM. This year Putin’s project, a prototype model for the Kerch strait bridge to Crimea, took the RIYFy!

Best organic farmer of 2015

Winner: Vladimir Putin

Russia’s food sanctions have revitalized domestic agriculture and mobilized locavores against both GMOs and homosexual French cheeses while promoting the antioxidizing power of palm oil – all thanks to Putin’s vision!

Best Western celebrity who became a Russian citizen of 2015

Winner: Vladimir Putin

Indeed, Putin is a celebrity based on his media presence and popularity even in the West, and he became a citizen of the Russian Federation when the Soviet Union collapsed due to the treachery of Gorbachev and the sneaky liberals. Congratulations, Mr. President!

Best sweep of an award ceremony in 2015

Winner: Vladimir Putin

Congratulations to the brilliant Russian president, who managed to sweep the entire RIYFy awards, which are fair and objective unlike the Academy Awards and Golden Globes, neither of which have even recognized Vladimir Putin’s outstanding accomplishments in the field of cinema and TV.

We look forward to seeing what amazing feats Vladimir Putin will dazzle us with next year!

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