KRASNOYARSK – Russian scientists have caught the U.S. government in a massive lie this week, as claims of a “Snowzilla” monster advancing up the East Coast in the middle of a record-breaking blizzard have been debunked. 

Reading the sensationalist Western media reports one might be lead to believe that the U.S. is beating other countries around the world at the snowfall game.

This is a malicious deception by the CIA to try and hide the fact that Russia is a global weather superpower that has, over the decades, built up the most powerful snowfall figures on earth.

RIYF spoke to meteorologist Bob Perplex of Montana to find out how much better Russian snowfall is than American snowfall. Perplex first enquired if we were on crack, then stated: “Weather knows no borders. Countries have climates due to their topography and a complex set of geographic and climatic factors that stretch across the planet.” 

Of course this is the kind of impenetrable Western mumbo-jumbo that neocons are trying to brainwash people with, and we’re only quoting it here because we want people to know how the enemy speaks. 

For the ACTUAL story we spoke to Russian meteorologist Pavel Koks.

“Russian snow is stronger than American snow, there’s more of it, it falls faster and harder than American snow, gathers deeper than American snow. In fact there’s SNOW comparison, ha ha, ha ha, ha ha, ha ha….” Koks explained.

In order to protect Russian weather sovereignty, Russian President Vladimir Putin is meanwhile due to sign into law legislation that bans weather fronts originating in the U.S. or its NATO puppets from crossing Russian borders without proper documentation. 

As for the ludicrous claims of a Snowzilla monster wreaking havoc on the East Coast, every expert we have spoken to confirms that Snowzilla is no more real than Nessie or Santa Claus.

“Snowzilla is a corporate marketing trick meant to sell merchandise and prop up the failing U.S. economy after it was weakened by Russian counter-sanctions,” noted cryptozoologist Karl Binbottom told RIYF. “It’s kind of like X-Men making people think wolverines are real. Ugh, ridiculous.”