DAMASCUS – It’s official. ISIS has been wiped off the face of the earth. Months of Russian bombing have killed every single terrorist in Assad’s Eden and have left every civilian untouched. That’s the truth that months of tireless work by RIYF staff has revealed.

“We went there to bomb ISIS and we’ve come back. So we must have destroyed ISIS,” said noted Russia insider Liter Pavelle [even though Liter is a U.S. citizen he means Russian forces when he says ‘us’, because he is a soul-brother to Putin – ed.].

Despite a cyclone of lies from Western media trying to besmirch the infallible record of Russian pilots and their industrial age planes and weapons, Russia’s military set the record straight with a Russian state media only briefing by Lieutenant Corporal Mikhail Lermontov.

“The bombing’s hit terrorist sites throughout. Everything we have bombed has been a terrorist. Everything we haven’t bombed has been non-terrorist. Our non-bombing has hit non-terrorist sites throughout,” clarified Lermontov once and for all.

“We have wiped out ISIS. They threatened not only the Middle East’s last democrat, popularly adored peacemaker Bashar al-Assad and his handsome chin. Now the free world can rest in peace,” added Lermontov.

The return of Russian forces from their righteous crusade against the Western backed ISIS death cult means that no peace agreement needs to be negotiated. While the Pontius Pilates in London, Washington, Ankara, Paris and Tbilisi were washing their hands in the blood of children Russia went in like an angry Patriarch and smote the Islamists. All of them. The war’s over, boys. You’re welcome.

“Now the smiting’s done, Russia has brought peace to the world once more. Put away your gay olive branches and doves, because the Sukhoi’s and Ilyushins have done all the talking,” said Pavelle, referring to types of Russian warplane.

Or, as we here at RIYF put it: ISIS is dead, go back to bed.