Vile contest that determines who’s the biggest gay Nazi in Europe fails to pick Russia as winner

MOSCOW – Anger has swept across the Russian Federation after a Russian contestant came in third at Gaynazivision, Europe’s yearly orgy of glitter and fascism.

“Gaynazivision is the worst of what the West has to offer,” prominent Duma deputy Palexey Ushkov told RIYF. “Everything about it – from the tight pants to the heil Hitlers – is antithetical to Russian values. This is why it’s such an outrage that Russia didn’t win.”

Even more disturbing to Russian citizens was the fact that first place went to an imaginary country this year.

“The Western media is claiming that the top spot went to ‘the Ukraine’ this year, but ‘the Ukraine’ has been debunked, it’s an artificial construct,” said leading world historian Zalexander Arkharchenko. “Not to mention the fact that the voting was as rigged as the 2011 Russian Duma elec…Actually, don’t write that part.”

Ordinary Russian citizens were equally aghast at the outcome of Gaynazivision.

“They’re telling us that we’re not the best at being Nazi sodomites?” A young man in his twenties who identified himself as Lyokha told RIYF. “[Expletive] that [expletive]. We’ll out-gay them any day in a fair fight.”

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