MOSCOW – Near daily stories in Russian media, which attacked the USA’s Guantanamo Bay prison for the last decade have been “misunderstood”, say Kremlin officials.
“We never opposed the prison. These stories have been twisted by the mainstream western media. Now that President Trump wants to keep Guantanamo Bay open we want to remind the world that Russia fully supports torture,” says Andrei Chikatilo of the Ministry of Punishment, which replaced the Ministry of Justice a few years ago.
A regular feature of Russian media websites and broadcasts for the past decade have been scathing attacks on the US prison. But Russia’s omniscient supreme leader Vladimir Putin says that they meant the Obama Guantanamo and that the Trump Guantanamo would be, “completely different.”
“The Obama Guantanamo was a vicious, illegal and totally unjustified torture chamber for innocents on trumped up terrorism charges. The Trump Guantanamo will be a tough but fair, totally legal and totally justified enhanced interrogation centre of excellence for the filthy enemies of Vladimir, Bashar and Donald on Trump’s terrorism charges,” explained Chikatilo.
The Kremlin wanted to stress that a “new era” has dawned for Guantanamo Bay and that it would be instructing Mr Trump that the prison can and should be used for their shared enemies.
“We could put Obama in it for starters,” said Chikatilo.