A psychopathic blasphemer is facing a year in prison after shocking religious believers with his suggestion that Russian President Vladimir Putin does not exist.
The 38-year old Viktor Krasnov was charged with offending political feelings, though his true day of reckoning is not in this life, but the next (though he will be reckoned with in this life too – just to make sure).
Krasnov is being prosecuted under a 2013 law banning poorly choreographed burlesque shows in venues better suited for luxury car washes.
During an exchange on a web forum from his newspaper lined shoebox in the southern city of Stavropol, Krasnov wrote:
“If I say that a collection of Jewish fairytales called the Bible is complete bullshit, it is what it is. At least for me,” he wrote, before later adding: “there is no God!”
His shocking comments set off a firestorm across the Runet.
“Jewish fairytales, what is this wanker on about? There is only one Jewish fairytale, and it’s called the Jewish Autonomous Oblast,” BornintheUSSR1987 wrote.
But one poster who clearly cares less for blasphemy than tautology immediately recognized that Krasnov, in denying the existence of God, was actually denying the existence of Russian President Vladimir Putin.
Following a complaint from Pasha Chichikov, a local property developer who had most definitely not attempted to buy Krasnov’s abode at a below market rate 3 weeks prior, the public was reminded that since God exists, then power comes from God, and Putin has the power, and saying “Putin does not exist” is deeply offensive to voters – especially dead soul voters who aren’t even here to defend themselves – as well as marketers of Putinka vodka.
Krasnov has subsequently spent one month in a psychiatric ward where he was taught that nothing is real, including the lease on his apartment.
Following a clean bill of health on the grounds that “he was probably paid off by the CIA and if you know to take dollars and not rubles you’re probably not crazy,” it was determined that the Russian penal system was likely the best place for Krasnov, whether he had committed a crime or not.